Homilies from the Menaion for Every Day of the Year: November 15

The Month of November

Day 15

79. How Mothers Should Act When Arranging Marriages for Their Daughters

(From the account of the sufferings of the Holy Martyrs Gurias, Samonas, and Abibus)

Christian mothers who have grown-up daughters undoubtedly, in most cases, are concerned first and foremost with how to arrange marriages for their daughters. And when this concern is crowned with success and a bridegroom appears, another concern arises: how to prepare a suitable dowry for the daughter. From then until the wedding day, almost all their time is taken up with this concern. Many things must be bought, many things sewn, and many other arrangements made. In our opinion, many mothers, becoming absorbed in all this, fall into a serious error. Devoting themselves entirely to worldly concerns, they forget, because of them, the spiritual concern that ought to rest upon them, namely, fervent and ardent prayer for their daughters. This, indeed, should be the mothers' chief concern. For who can guarantee that their daughters' future married lives will be happy? And who, apart from God, can grant them this happiness? And who, finally, in the event of some misfortune, can deliver their daughters from it, except God? Therefore, when arranging marriages for their daughters, mothers must first of all pray earnestly that the Lord grant their daughters happiness in marriage and deliver them from all misfortunes and evils in their family lives. From this it follows that the mothers' preparations for their daughters should be preparations, and prayer should be prayer. Let mothers also understand that the latter is necessary for them because, as a mother's prayer, it is a great thing for her children. As the saying goes, it reaches down to the bottom of the sea and delivers from death. And what the people say is, in this case, absolutely true.

In the city of Edessa, where there was a church in honor of the Holy Martyrs Gurias, Samonas, and Abibus, and where their relics rested, there lived a pious widow, Sophia, with her only grown-up daughter, Euphemia. She loved her daughter with all the strength of a mother's love, guarded her as the apple of her eye, and taught her the fear of God. Once, when the city of Edessa was threatened with an attack by the Persians, the Greek emperors sent a large army there to defend it against the enemy. It happened that one of the soldiers, a Goth by birth, who had a wife and children living in his own land, took up residence in Sophia's house. Enchanted by Euphemia's beauty, he resolved upon a lawless deed: to deceive both mother and daughter and marry the latter. By threats at one time, and by caresses and flattery at another, and by oaths, he eventually achieved his purpose, and Sophia agreed to give her daughter to him in marriage. But before the marriage took place, Sophia first turned to fervent prayer. Raising her hands to heaven, she said: “Lord and Master, You are the Father of orphans and the Defender of widows! Look graciously upon Your creation, and do not withhold Your mercy from my daughter, whom I am giving in marriage. Do not despise my widowhood, and grant help to me, who am helpless. Placing my hope only in Your good Providence for the future, I give my daughter to a stranger. And You Yourself, Lord, be the witness and guarantor of his oath.” Thus Sophia prayed for her daughter before the marriage, but she did not abandon her prayer afterward. Having come with her son-in-law, who was returning to his homeland, and her daughter to the church of the Holy Martyrs, she fell down before their relics and cried out: “Holy Martyrs! After God, I entrust my daughter to you, and through you I give her into the hands of this stranger.” Thus Sophia prayed, and her prayer subsequently worked wonders for her daughter.

When the latter's husband took her away from her mother's house, he made Euphemia's life unbearable. He told her that he already had a wife; he made Euphemia the slave of that wife; he and his wife subjected her to every kind of abuse, and his wife poisoned Euphemia's only child, for which, however, she herself also paid with her life. What happened next? Euphemia was then accused of her death, and it was decided that she should be thrown into the same tomb as the deceased woman. And she was thrown in. Christian mothers, tell me: who could have saved Euphemia from a terrible death in such circumstances? Who could have helped her in her desperate situation? Yet her mother's prayer helped her and saved her. When Euphemia had been shut inside the tomb together with the stinking corpse, the Holy Martyrs Gurias, Samonas, and Abibus suddenly appeared to her and said: “Take courage, daughter, and do not be afraid; you will soon find deliverance!” And then, by the invisible and almighty power of God, Euphemia was taken from the tomb, instantly transported to Edessa, to the church of the Holy Martyrs, and laid beside their tomb! All Edessa was seized with awe when it learned of such a miracle, and everyone glorified God, who is wondrous in His inscrutable judgments. Such, mothers, is the power that your prayer for your children has before God, as we shall say in conclusion.

In view of this, when arranging marriages for your daughters, do not devote yourselves entirely to the single concern of worldly preparations, but also set aside time for fervent and ardent prayer. From the example given, you should be convinced of how necessary it is for your daughters, how beneficial it is for them, and how powerful it is before God. Yes, truly, as you see, it not only reaches down to the bottom of the sea, but also raises them from the tomb and saves daughters from a cruel death. Therefore, pray earnestly, as you make these arrangements, that the Lord bless their family lives and that He Himself always remain their Father, their Defender, and their Protector. With such prayer, of course, all will be well. Under the all-powerful protection of our common Father, your daughters will undoubtedly be preserved from every evil, will live in prosperity, and will prosper in all things. In this way, they will also bring you joy and consolation. Amen.

Questions for Discussion 79:

1. By what names did Sophia address the Lord in her prayer before giving her daughter in marriage?

2. What did Sophia ask the Lord to be in relation to the bridegroom's oath?

3. To whom did Sophia entrust her daughter, after God?

4. For what kind of prayer should we set aside time when arranging marriages for our daughters?

5. What should we ask the Lord for when arranging marriages for our daughters?

 

Source: The Cheti-Minei: Homilies for Every Day of the Year (Book 1: September, October, November) by Archpriest Viktor Guryev. Publication of the Russian Panteleimon Monastery on Mount Athos, 1896. Translated by John Sanidopoulos.