May 21
(From a Homily of Saint John Chrysostom on the Upbringing and Discipline of Children)
By Archpriest Victor Guryev
Some foolish parents completely neglect the upbringing of their children in their early years. When a child does something wrong, the foolish parent says: “Oh, it is nothing; he is still a child and does not understand. When he grows up, he will stop doing such things.” And so the child grows up like a wild apple tree in the forest — uncultivated, overgrown, and barren. But if you taste the fruit of that tree, you will not rejoice, for it is sour and bitter. Thus, without restraint, correction, or instruction, the child eventually grows into a slave of his disordered inclinations; his early bad behavior becomes habit, and he becomes an unworthy member of society, a grief to his parents, and a burden and scandal to many.
“Nothing is worse,” says Saint Chrysostom, “than when the faults of children are not corrected, and thus become habits in them. These faults, when neglected, usually corrupt the child to such an extent that later there is no possibility of correcting him by any exhortation. The devil then leads such children about like captives wherever he wishes. He becomes their absolute ruler, gives them destructive counsels, and the unfortunate children, not even realizing that these counsels lead them to eternal ruin, carry them out with full willingness.”
What conclusion should we draw from this? That in the early years of childhood parents should not regard even the smallest fault or wrongdoing as insignificant. For, as experience shows, and as we have heard from the words of Saint Chrysostom, even a small fault, if not noticed and corrected in time, eventually becomes great. Indeed, how often do the gravest crimes committed in adulthood arise like seeds from seemingly insignificant mischief tolerated in youth?
A child steals an apple without asking — what is so serious about that? Yet later he becomes a thief. A child becomes accustomed to tormenting household animals — what harm is there, people say, if he beats a dog or a cat? But later in life he becomes a cruel and inhuman tyrant toward his family. A daughter wanders the streets late at night with companions. “Well, she is young,” they say, “let her enjoy herself.” And yet often after such wanderings the father and mother tear their hair in shame over their daughter’s disgrace — but then it is too late.
Therefore, parents, do not forget that if your child has done wrong once, he may do it again. And with the repetition of evil, his strength to resist sin will grow weaker and weaker, until finally sin becomes habit, unless you take measures in time to stop the evil. “Folly,” says Solomon, “is bound up in the heart of a child: but the rod and correction shall drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).
Therefore strive to establish in your hearts a love for your children that is not blind, but wise. And in order to acquire such wisdom, call to mind often the instruction of the Wise One:
“He that loves his son will chastise him often, that he may rejoice in him at the last. He that chastises his son shall have joy in him, and shall rejoice of him among his acquaintances” (Sirach 30:1–2).
“Pamper a child, and he will make you afraid; play with him, and he will bring you sorrow. Laugh not with him, lest you have sorrow with him, and at the last gnash your teeth. Give him no liberty in his youth, and overlook not his folly” (Sirach 30:9, 11). Amen.
Source: Translated by John Sanidopoulos.
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