June: Day 19: Teaching 2: Venerable Paisios the Great

June: Day 19: Teaching 2:
Venerable Paisios the Great

(How Should Parental Love for Children Be Expressed?)

By Archpriest Grigory Dyachenko

I. The Venerable Paisios, whose memory is celebrated today, lived in the 5th century, was a native of Egypt, the son of rich and pious parents, who generously gave charity to all those in need. While still a youth, he lost his father and lived under the care of his mother, who of her seven sons especially loved Paisios, as the youngest. Paisios's mother often thought about what awaited her son in life. One night, an angel appeared to her in a dream and said: "God, the Father of orphans, has sent me to you. Why are you sad, caring for your children? It is not you alone who cares for them, but God too; leave your sadness and dedicate one of your sons to His service." "All my children belong to God," answered the mother, "and if any of my sons pleases Him, let Him take him." Then the angel, taking Paisios by the hand, said: "This one is pleasing to God." - "Better take one of the older sons, who is more intelligent," asked the mother. "Do you not know," replied the angel, "that the power of God is revealed even in weaknesses, and therefore God chose your younger son, as more capable of pleasing him." With these words, the angel became invisible. In the morning, Paisios' mother offered a fervent prayer to God, then she asked that Paisios be accepted into the Church clergy. Her request was fulfilled, and Paisios began to diligently fulfill the duties entrusted to him. Having reached his youth, Paisios became a monk and became famous for the holiness of his life and the gift of clairvoyance and miracles.

II. From this story, you, brethren, can clearly see in what way you should express your love for children.

a) You will fully discover this if from the first years of your children's life you will take care not only of their being well fed, not only of their physical health and well-being, but you should mainly take care of the spiritual well-being of your children - of instilling in their souls the truths of the Christian faith and pious life. In the first years, when children have not yet fully mastered the clarity of consciousness and understanding of the world around them, they keenly observe the actions of others and try to imitate them. Therefore, at this time, you try, brethren, to influence your children with your good example. When you pray: in the morning, after rising from sleep, before and after meals, in the evening - always pray with deep reverence, since such prayer is not only pleasing to God, soul-saving for you, but also for your little ones, who undoubtedly watch you at this time and learn.

b) But even more so, fathers and mothers, you need to pay attention to yourselves, to your actions, when your children grow up and begin to understand everything around them. Knowing the susceptibility of children's nature, knowing their inclination to imitate their elders, beware of everything wicked and bad, since all this can have a corrupting effect on the souls of your children. On the contrary, knowing that children imitate you, behave in such a way that they adopt and assimilate from you only what is good and useful for their souls. Go to the temple of God more often for divine services and take your children with you. The Divine Liturgy has a great and saving effect on the soul: our soul can be filled with tenderness and reverence before God at one common glance at public divine service, where a multitude of people unite in their thoughts, feelings, desires and actions: "With one accord, with one mouth glorifying God" (Rom. 15:6), and where each, being edified by the piety of others, himself also edifies others. Even more, one can hope, all this can act on the receptive soul of children and with frequent attendance at the Divine Liturgy will little by little arouse in them, imperceptibly for themselves, a reverent fear and love for God.

c) With all this, know, brethren, that your good and exemplary life alone is not enough for your children to become God-fearing, to love goodness and piety. For this it is necessary to add parental advice, explanations and instructions. And the children themselves will not hesitate to demand this from their parents. Who has not had to hear endless questions from inquisitive children: why, why, for what? This clearly shows that they need an explanation, a conscious assimilation of the surrounding phenomena and human actions. And in order to give parental advice and instruction, no special knowledge is required for this; you only need to have pure faith in God, and you can explain to children everything that is necessary for the good of their souls. For example, the first parental conversation with children can begin with why you pray to God and why you need to pray to Him? Every believing Christian can answer this question of a child: he will say, we pray because God is our Creator, and our life is in His power. He gives us everything necessary for life: food, clothing, shelter, and can do everything for us, whatever we ask, only if we ask with good intentions and zeal. Having said this, every father will thus give his child an understanding of God as our Creator, Provider, and Giver of every good. At the same time, every father should tell his child about our relationship with God: if God is so omnipotent and at the same time so merciful to us, then we must revere Him, love Him, and we will love Him when we fulfill all His commands, do well in everything, live truthfully, love others as ourselves.

"But can a child understand and assimilate all this?" you will object. Abandon this view of children, brethren; they can understand and assimilate many things more quickly and better than we can: having a pure mind, unclouded by any prejudices and superstitions, and a kind, gentle heart, they can freely and easily perceive heavenly truths. On this basis, the Savior Himself did not forbid bringing children to Him to listen to His Divine teaching. He said this to His disciples: “Suffer the little children to come to Me, and do not scold them: for of such is the kingdom of God. For verily I say unto you, unless one receives the kingdom of God as a child, he shall not enter into it” (Luke 18:16, 17). You see, the Savior even gives preference to children’s faith, as being purer and holier, and sets it up as an example for us adults. It goes without saying that in order to awaken in children from an early age religious feelings of faith and love for God and people, it is necessary to talk to them and remind them about God as often as possible, at every opportunity.

d) How long should parents show their concern for their children, so that both by word and deed they can admonish and instruct them in the faith of Christ and good deeds? True parental love should prompt them, at every opportunity, to give such admonitions and instructions to their children, even when the latter have become adults. But this is not how it is done, we must admit, in our families. As soon as the children grow up and become capable of independent work, many parents consider it awkward to make a remark, admonition and instruction to them: “They are not little," they say, "they already have their own minds.” And how their children have fun, where they spend their free holiday days and hours, they consider it unnecessary to even think about this. "They are young," reason loving fathers and mothers, "the children are still young, let them have fun." And the children do have fun - sons and daughters, they have fun where and with whomever they want, and therefore make great mistakes in life. Due to their trustfulness and inexperience, they often make acquaintance with people who are not kind and morally corrupt, learn from them all that is evil and wicked and become extremely frivolous, for which they pay dearly in life. The willful children are to blame here, but the parents who are indifferent to their behavior are also wrong. And parents should not leave their adult sons and daughters unattended, without advice and guidance.

III. Thus, brethren, true parental love for children requires from you constant and unwavering concern not only for the external well-being of your children, but mainly for instilling in them from the first years of life the spirit of faith and piety and then throughout your life with them constantly supporting, developing and strengthening it with your advice, instructions and good example. And then your children will give you true joy and consolation. Amen. 

 

Source: A Complete Annual Cycle of Short Teachings, Composed for Each Day of the Year. Translated by John Sanidopoulos.